Monday, September 14, 2009
learning to chew
Everyday waking up to something different, but feeling the same. Through repetition one can often begin to feel normal. I will not lie to you. I know what repetition is and I know what is real. In these few seconds of change I wait and listen. Looking up to see if the ceiling still exists, I know I’m still here. Close them and enjoy the darkness for a few minutes, dreaming of something far and indescribable. Each second has it’s own timer and I own the rights to stretch each interval to what ever suits me. A quarter in a world of dollars is a sign that life is less valuable than time. Light is seen and once again I touch the ground to feel the chill you created for me. A cow is born and raised and knows it will die and nourish a few people. Physical nourishment is easy, chew and swallow. I know a lot of fat people and I do not admire the pain they create. When the noise sounds conversation is created and we gain weight. I can find no nourishment in this. Please provide a road map. I know all roads are not the same, but I would like to know where you are, because I am having starter problems. This is it the cold place I know as home, I would rather live in a house. Change a part, run it for a while, change a part, run it for a while, once again repetition created normalcy. I know it is not a parts issue here. I have seen operations performed with far fewer parts than I have here. I search for that normalcy and know it is most likely unattainable. The hardest part of living is not knowing your purpose. Daily waking up knowing the feelings you feel aren’t right. Nightly going to sleep hoping it will change. In an ever-ending struggle to find ones purpose, the child becomes a man and forgets his past to find his future. As beautiful as they are I do not see one. I know that the waking hours should bring joy not insecurity, so I lie. The blue flag waves them by and I still know tomorrow will come unannounced as it always does.