Inside movement

I want to go home. Everyday seems such a struggle. The tools you gave me seem so grand but without direction they circle in confusion. Moments of brilliance blind the eyes of those close. I’m ready to go home. Some say struggles create strength. Struggles with an end creates strength, while struggles in tunnels create missing persons. To give up the fight and conform will surly be the end. Today, tomorrow there will be no difference. I hear you calling and it is beautiful. Please help, my hands are in need.

The enemy

Thinking and talking to Cameron

Every day I come closer to death. The clock ticks and my body breaks down. It is no longer developing, its decaying slowly and sending me postcards from the other side. Stop, think, don’t do it, I’m in pain. I still see the light and want to bask in its glory but I must remain on the sideline waiting to die. We all will, but I don’t want to. Fear of dying is now taking up 20% of my daily computing capacity. I now notice that the work I do is 20% slower and less effective than it use to be. Soon my life will be consumed by death and I will cease to be able perform any normal human interaction. Quiet in a corner waiting for the end I will be reborn with no fear, knowing the end means nothing and I really only mattered to a select few. I will be in the valley of death laughing at the existence I once knew. Be kind to those you care for and treat yourself good. Life isn’t so serious.

Solid feet can fly

Cross over the hill and place the order. Timeless effects on an aging mind create valleys. Most paths are traveled. In order to find the brush one must light a fire. This usually makes the eyes water. Drive your car and role down the window, your eyes will surly dry to leave a light dusting of the moon on your face. Brush it off and pile it up, some day you might need it to catch a bird. Washington and five cents seem to be common fraises. Now type it into your computer and print out the results, your homework is done for the night. A little less reading and a lot less thought is part of a well-balanced meal. Nutrition or lack of is educating our youth. Once a hammer was used for building, now only for brutality and pillaging. Nail your foot to the ground and try to run a race. Did the earth give way or did it hold it’s ground? Firmly planted decisions can be made. Wasting time is often not what it seems. Try to plan an escape with no point of entry. Wash tubs for shoes can never clean the soul.

higher places unknown

Before man can come to peace with his existence he must first separate himself from the rest of the creatures on the planet. In order to achieve this he must formulate a method in which he can justify or clarify the separation. Man places himself on a pedestal where he and only he can stand. This pedestal is the pedestal where there is something that will take care of him after he dies. Death being the one thing that man has over the beasts of the earth, they die and he lives on in some strange deranged afterlife. He doesn’t grant entrance into his club to anyone other than himself, this is what gives him the will to live.

is it an accident

Don’t ever wake up is what I told him. Jennifer still makes that squawk, Barb still smokes, life is at ease. Just try and imagine the steering wheel on your car. You turn it and nothing happens. You press on the brake, the pedal goes to the floor and the car glides on. Seeing the red light with five cars at in line, you begin to wonder. Am I going fast enough to impact the last car sending it into the car ahead of it and so on and so forth or will I splat on the windshield in an blatant display of insolence? You hit the throttle. The needle on the speedo begins to climb. Life never seemed so easy. Just for fun you flip the left turn signal on, to make them think you are in control. At this point you look deep into your heart and say to yourself, “Thank you God for taking care of me and guiding me in the tough times of my life, I know without you I would be lost and lonely, forgive me of the sins for which I have done, and thank you for providing for me.” You look up and all the cars are gone and a fly is crawling on you foot. As the fly crawls over your big toe you notice it begins to enlarge. You sit and stare at it for a few minutes and notice your toe is turning into a small model of the hindenburg. Two seconds later it takes flight and heads for your right arm. You swat at it, but it maneuvers to avoid your hand. Just as it reaches your shoulder it bursts into flames and singes the hair in your ear. Small sections of the blimp fall and burn on your shoulder ruining your new polo shirt. A quick spit and the flames are distinguished. Now over the radio you hear that the city of Orange has outlawed reading in its schools. Again you look to the speedo for guidance, and the needle rests calmly on the pin that reads zero. Considering that your car is no longer moving, you no longer have a big toe on your right foot, and your new polo shirt is ruined you decide to blow off your job interview for the day. When ones life isn’t going the way they expected they always look to others for support and help. This is why I would say never wake up. In real life you would have swerved to the left hit the brakes spun sideways, hit a parked car killing yourself and the two teenagers sitting on the curb smoking behind the car. Now this isn’t a problem. You chose to put your life in the hands of someone who is not proven to exist. You believe there is some reward for your negligence in this case, because you had faith. Forget the faith, have faith in yourself and take responsibility for your actions. Please stay sleeping I cannot afford another person awake in this world.

eyes wide in the sun

I just don’t want to worry anymore. If this is too much to ask for please let me know. A baby is implanted in it’s mother’s womb, does it worry? The world jumps up on it like a tsunami on the unsuspecting natives. I still try to think back to the days when I was breathing liquid and never ate. Many years have passed and lines have been drawn and broke and I still yearn for the liquid. Two quitters called yesterday to complain. I feel nothing for their struggle and only wish they didn’t know me. Asking for something and getting something are two different subjects. If I may never ask again please give me nothing in exchange. A simple existence where time is stable will suit me fine. If I never hear the wretched noise again may I rest and sleep through the night. In a palace of gold only the walls are rich. All occupants try and walk, head held high, but reality is often more painful than the thawing of the North Pole. I know we will all drowned one day, but I will be well versed in the art of swimming and I alone will watch the last human sink while drinking a cup of fresh coffee. When this time comes and all seems lost, I will learn to breathe water again and no longer fear.

where I find peace

time

Here it is the final stage where men become dust and water washes them down the rain gutters of eternity. So many solutions, so few true problems. One step over the line and the brown velvety bricks of the pool hall lose their vibrant glow that warms the gin soaked patrons. Across the table a lemon meringue pie is flowing down the throat of a slender ghost of yester years. Today never felt better.

Frictionless to me

In a red velvety room the hammer swings rapidly. One can only imagine what is going on outside. Inside all is warm and slick from the friction. Sweat pours from the forehead and runs down the body, as untold crimes are committed. Plural is the form of beating that will be taking place here. An author would write a book, a sergeant would shout orders and a Buddhist might strive to be better, but we all will turn a lighter shade of pale. To get here it often takes time or money or maybe sheer force. Under, one feels good. Outside the window the world passes by with its uncanny ability to ignore. I will no longer try and find a scapegoat for what has been done. If people will be sad then so be it. I will paint my walls green and wait for the deprivation to begin. Fear your securities and indulge in your insecurities. When they say that its not that hard I agree and laugh.

not for everyone

I have a place in mind where I want to be. If you are willing to follow I will take you. Please remove your shoes first. I cannot deal with dirt on the inside. Don’t take this trip lightly. I wont take you if you plan to use more than you need. On the inside it is warm yet sometimes lonely. I will invite you to get comfortable if you can. Some might see the beauty, but they will never find the door. A small place full of wonder can often create the illusion of unhappiness. Over in the big house games are played and laughter flows freely. It isn’t that I don’t want it. It’s just that I can’t remember how it works. Touching hands caress the sides. Beautiful shells, expose the fruit, plant their seed but remain hungry.

and I need to write, I need to write, I need to write to be right and have rites and rights

Biting the hand that feeds you is often the outcome of starvation. In an attempt to nourish the soul the boy bit the preacher. The cops came and the children cried. Most, said they were appalled at his actions while they placed 30% in the bucket to buy freedom. Knowing they were going to make the trip, they smile and turn it skyward at the confusion. Please stand quietly at the back and don’t smoke. My best and worst can be measured and never forgotten. Still hungry the child cries. His mother comforts him and offers to take him to the circus. A slight difference in message and costume, but much like before, today will change nothing.

toyko graffiti

Neck Face graffiti in Toyko Shibyua district, I wasn't really sure what to think other than to agree with the wall. Neck face is Ugly.

kamikaze style girl spotted in the harajuku

no future krew Toyko

Yesterday I had the pleasure of hanging out with Motoyan from the NFK Toyko. A true Madman.

the colors of Yokohama at night

yokohama light

This weekend I went to the mooneyes show in Yokohama Japan. Upon arrival at the airport in Narita I stepped off the plane and found a strange yet comforting feeling of cleanliness. I studied the surroundings with the bright white lights and the neon colors and knew this was going to be a great trip. Japan was going to open my eyes and shift the gears in my brain.

tax man

The fury stopped yesterday, and I didn’t know. Nonstop revolution in destructive constructive circles, and I sleep. Today it was calm, even, collected, it slept. I lost faith for a few minutes, but what is faith anyways? Three, but only ones, kind of sad. Questions by a man in a suit covered by numbers causes confusion. Two is better than one he said. I replied that I agree if both agree. Numbers don’t lie he said. I know that one plus one is two, but if you don’t have the proper one’s you can end up with a deficit. I will not settle for a false two. A solid one is better any day. My mind is healthy and clear today; I can almost see the future. Black is not a color.

making the purchase

I noticed today that I no longer look when crossing streets. A picture in a frame with glass and a sign that reads break in case of emergency, hangs silently over head. Tonight is unlike any other. A pillow will brace the head and a blanket will cover the body. All visual attractions will not matter. A price has been set and the trap has been sprung. Some will chose to live on as if nothing happened, and those who do so will feel the temperature slowly decrease with age and pleasure. Then there are the few that will chose to shut down the vessel and let it go adrift hoping to wash up on some foreign shore to see familiar faces. Then it comes to what we will call the unknown. The unknown will always struggle and better it’s self in an effort to please these in need. Under the reflection of the picture a strange optical effect is created. Shadows aren’t cast and vision is clear. You break the glass. You buy the picture. When you have a choice, don’t deal with the maybe man, a yes or a no is always preferable.

gsxr trike that makes people dance

fear of friends

Blue is often associated with cold or depression, but I will paint it blue and you will love me for it. If he really cares he will hold the needle. I know I care and I will still try. If in any case the father tries to do his job tell him it’s to late. Now hold your right arm up and slap it as if it were a delinquent dog, grab it and hold it and tell it you love it. I know this is possible because my arm has been numb during the night for a few weeks now and I see no reason to pursue it further. Now remember the time when she spoke of you, now try and forget it and pay yourself a dollar for each memory that crosses your mind from that point on. I will guarantee that you will be broke by the end of the day. I will compare this to a child, one that knows no deception. Fly, feel it free, floating, now loose it and try and gain it back having the knowledge that flight is only for birds and airplanes. This is where the spiral begins. In an attempt to fly one will often substitute the real thing for something synthetic. I will go no further here. Only to say flight is for the birds, it is hard enough to walk in this ever-changing environment. I know this is the wiring that came from the factory, but I just wish I had a manual to clarify a few of the glitches. I can see no further than her and I love her for that. I will shave the walls of my house, put it in a cup, add syrup and sell it to the children. I know this will rot their teeth, but it is always worth the smile.

owning a pond

I had a dream the other day about a pond I used to visit. The first time I went their, it was inhabited by a few different wild species. The species were very curious and naive. I didn't really like any of them so I introduced a new aggressive species into the pond. In time the aggressive species took over most of the pond. I sat and watched at the beauty of the flourishing pond and it pleased me. The few native fish that were left seemed to keep to themselves and stay at the bottom of the pond. The superior species didn't mind because the few native fish that were left seemed to clean the pond and do odd tasks that the superior species wouldn't. In time the superior fish began to notice that the native fish seemed to be multiplying at a rate much greater than their own. In the beginning this didn't bother them either. A few fish would protest but it went unnoticed. In time the superior fish would avoid swimming to the bottom of the pond. Naturally they were better than the bottom feeders and the top of the pond is where all the sunshine and food was anyways. They continued to live the good life at the top of the pond ignoring the murky depths below until one day they noticed that as they swam they would often rub fins with the native fish. Now this was something that had never happened before. These superior fish began to worry because there didn't seem to be enough room in the pond for all the fish. Now they began to be concerned about the over population of the pond and the only solution to dropping the population seemed to be have less babies. They all agreed but to their surprise the pond didn't seem to be getting any roomier. In time they began seeing less and less of their friends and more of the bottom fish. They started to take action, but it was to late the bottom feeders have been reproducing at a four to one rate and have token over the pond in a passive reproductive take over. The once proud superior fish have lost the pond and are hiding in small communities trying to pretend like nothing has happened and they could still swim anywhere in the pond they like, but this is so untrue. They are now a dieing species, dying because of their arrogance from long ago.

Cleaning Your Pond Can Take You On A Trip To The ER

camouflage

I want to know if it all really matters. Can this be it? In the path of a freight train that supposedly exists I forget to cry. Open doors and slam them shut this is what is real. I would like nothing better than to say I’m just an unmotivated loser, but this is not the case. Fear the lines that hold you here. Place a paper on a stove and light it on fire, does this really help. Take the ashes and mix them with a few drops of water and camouflage yourself from the world. Hold your head high because no on can see you anymore. Fear of the unknown is no longer an issue.

finding a quiet place

Today I found something new. I think I've found a cure for my problems. A
man died and I watched his friends and family grieve. I noticed that once
they felt, I disappeared. I jumped and yelled for attention and no one
seemed to care. One mans grief became another mans cure. Please forgive the
lack of compassion. I can no longer cry when pain surrounds me.

parking war in Los Feliz on Saturday

Silent Judging

In the night funnels form to fill the heads of children with candies and adults with the nightmares of realities past. With the retirement of the day a new creature awakes to control the land until the rising of the son. As the sun disappears into the slot machine of time the wheels spin and results are given not chosen. Funerals are formed, babies are born, and lives are lost, all common occurrences of the night. A though from one and a forceful blow from the other, the streets are full. Floating up above the moon watches and gathers information, silently judging the people in an attempt to win favor from the owner of the light.

Where are you

I will try and pull the rope to tighten the slack. One can only get closer to earth when slack is involved. This life that we lead seems to follow a circular pattern. I wake and I sleep and nothing seems to change. I must repair that last sentence. Things change, oh yes they do. I did not ask for this it was given. To those who don’t want thou shall receive. I have a penny and I think I will have it copper plated to ensure worthiness. Please pass the salt I feel a lie coming on. Going places with no pedals is often nice. Enjoyment for the precise group you are in is often mistaken for love. I will try harder next time. In an economic recession I will continue to spend friendships like they were free, sorry. To those who actually think they found it please recheck your map. Starving children can only lead to angry men. I will place my focus on the happier things that make you hurt. Pain is often a placebo for the real thing. No one can tie knots better than sailors. I will learn to drink and tie knots. In the case of an emergency please contact your local beautician. A new hairstyle and a pedicure will fool them all. First things first go to your local pastry shop and order your cake, this is a special event.

Things that are round

From a young age we are taught to like things that are round. Our mother feeds us with her breast and from that day on we are always searching for that soothing feeling round objects give us. In our early youth we rediscover the beauty of round objects through transportation. We get bicycles that give us the freedom to cover large distances that were not possible to cover by walking. We learned the freedom of jumping our bikes with our friends. This is where we discovered that pain can often be connected to round objects. It hurt but it made us better, tougher, and wiser. In our teens we rediscovered the connection of round and females. Hormones firing we began the chase for these prized round objects. Now instead of freedom we discovered beauty and just as with freedom came pain so did it come with beauty. You would think with repetition we would make the connection between round and pain but this is over shadowed by beauty. Take us into our early twenties and this is where we learn that round things often attract other round things. Now like peacocks we customize our cars that give us freedom to travel and attract the women we seek. We apply the largest round objects to our cars in hopes of attracting the most attractive mate. With this we now learn a new pain, the pain to our bank accounts. Though out this growing process two things have been consistent pain and round object, we are now completely comfortable with both. This is why I like round objects; they will surely take you on a journey.

Small Things

I once felt it, when eyes were closed
Smooth under the door it crawled
Dancing, were the players
On walls hung pictures
Classics, exotics, originals
One had it for the taking
Others hovered as the song played
Jealousy, feelings felt
Intoxication, devastation, annihilation
Things happened we moved on
Sleep was one thing enjoyed
Over time numbers vanished, voids appeared
Left for the picking, the vultures came
Betrayal not a word chosen, but given
Portholes to places of happiness given by white