breaking the mechanical mind

sometimes you need a different perspective on life

2011-07-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

you can count on it

2011-06-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

We are controlled by numbers. The number of days until our next birthday, the number of days until our next vacation, the number of days until our death, always changing but never changing, these numbers never lie. I wake up and a number is attached to me, 5:14. I step out of bed it is 8 steps to the bathroom. I put .500 of toothpaste on my toothbrush and brush for 1 minute consisting of 227 strokes. Off to the kitchen for 6 cups of coffee. Staring at the clock until 8:00 then it’s time for a 6 minute shower just so I can get in my car and drive 11 miles to work so I can sit there for 8 hours to collect the numbers they give me for being there. When it’s 6 I go home another 11 miles going through 7 stoplights and burning .78 gallons of fuel. Upon arrival at my house I check the mailbox which is 23 paces from the back door to find the 5 bills that wait for their numbers. Once the number is determined for each bill I turn the computer on which takes 58 seconds. Now that I’m in the true home of 0’s and 1’s I apply the numbers I received from work to each bill so that the number end up 0. I trade my life for numbers every day. This may seem monotonous but this is how our world is set up. Numbers traded back and forth to get what we need. I know people who save their numbers and are afraid to use them. All their numbers do is sit in a computer and get tallied by 1’s and 0’s, the only numbers that seem to count these days. I will take the next 11 minutes and try to be number free, knowing it is impossible as the seconds fade away. We live in a society where humans are second to numbers, please stand up to be counted as one of the numbers that doesn’t abide.

virtual babies

2011-06-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

I see the future and don’t understand it. Less action more fluff cannot make for a better life. You sit and watch the screen laughing at visions made to entertain children. A life learned through screens cannot produce sustainable fruit. Stare at it and you still will not get any wiser. You may learn facts from other screen children but nothing that will help you when the power fails. Take a stand use your hands and engage your brain. Life isn’t virtual, people can’t be deleted with a click, open your eyes and let the sunlight in. The world has so much to offer and your screen can only produce a 30 inch view. In the cracks of society is where you need to look. Look for the hands that aren’t perfect, look for dirty fingernails, look to the past and with that you will find knowledge. A world lived in a box is scary. Turn it off today and start living. It may hurt in the beginning but in time the sunlight will start to nourish your soul and you will no longer crave the virtual back rubs of friending someone. Today could be the first day of your life if you just turn the power off.

sleeping strength

2011-04-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

Knot knowing. Cinched, tied. Strength through relationships. I feel good. I know my knot will hold if I fall.

Good Deed of the Day

2011-03-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

soft

2011-02-25T17:47:00.001-08:00

Flags whipping in the wind, cars passing in the street and here I sit safely behind glass. The air is warm and lights are humming in my head. I feel safe. I feel complacent. I feel soft. I feel my body decaying. Brain stumbling, heart clogging, eyes failing, muscles withering, work makes ones soul shallow. When I try to set sail I always end up ship wrecked on the corporate rocks. Stranded at my desk eyes failing, grinding, withering, clothes beginning to lose their fit. So small inside a large shell the walls echo as minutes tick into hours that pass into days and then to years. Life is fading. I will now place cigarettes in my socks in hopes of absorbing caffeine into my soul. Please wave when you pass me. I will sit idle in a world sick with greed dreaming of the sugars of the night.

lupe

2010-10-15T16:49:00.000-07:00

We are good people that hold no prejudices but you are not welcome in our home. I don't know you or care to know you. I will never let you rest if you take root in this home. The thought of you makes my heart hurt. Please pass by this home.

7am and no one is there

2010-09-23T07:40:00.000-07:00

Wrapped in bureaucracy, arms tied by ignorance. I was told maybe we need to educate ourselves on the matter. If it is your job and you can't see 2 feet in the front and a foot to the side, fuck you. You must be a city or state employee. Wind up the ball with your lack of knowledge and need for power, make it last ten times as long as it would if you had a clue. You need to be spoon feed and stroked as you eat, you think you are getting fat by taking my time. I see you withering in your quagmire of wasted time. Your enjoyment comes at other peoples expense. You are a burden on society. We need to cut the dead weight.

things found on my desk

2010-09-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

returning to the shores that made you

2010-09-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

Sitting, watching and waiting for it to go by, life gets complicated. It is hard to notice it day to day but it does. Under your feet the ground moves and erodes causing you to shift your weight ever so slightly. Your body does it automatically so you notice nothing. Two days, nothing, two years, you don't see your toes, ten years, your knees are buried and you begin to start pulling. Strain as you might but your legs are stuck. Well it could be worse, you have a nice view. You look around and you are surrounded by things you like, things you've acquired and a few things that you never wanted but came with the passage of time. Well it is ok you can still sit down and bend your waist, arms, back and head. You smile and hold on to the things you love and time continues on. Every once and a wile you pull and dream of movement but you know it is useless. Your place is set and you must be complacent with where you are. It was you who placed your feet in the sand and decided to stand still and watch. You begin to notice you can no longer bend you waist and it is beginning to become hard to breath, life has continued on as you remained motionless, only moving your eyes and hands. Well you did make a difference, your hands produced beauty and you effected those around you. Piled up high as if stacked by professionals you can no longer see beyond the walls you created. Inside a prison of worldly goods you can't see the sun and your body can't move. You wonder what it would have been like if you remained in motion and never stopped to examine the mundane existence they call life. Well you will never know, life washed over you just as it has for centuries prior, not knowing or caring who or what it buried. It is better to move than to be complacent, but be prepared you will stop and you will get buried, crying that you never saw it coming.

waiting for a slip

2010-09-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

Going through life wondering what is going on. Everyday things change but nothing truly does. The good honest people remain honest while the scumbags walk all over them. Like a rock or a steel tower they use us to climb to the top. I can hardly blame them if I was a climber I would want something sturdy to climb on, but it makes me sick to see these people reap the rewards of their dishonest ways. Fuck it I will not waiver, I will stay strong while the scum climbs, hoping that on day they will loose their footing and come crashing down while I stand tall and smile knowing I never wavered in the presence of money. Hold your ground become a rock this country is in need of a better foundation.

effortless with a prize

2010-07-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

I can despise the colors you wear. In round rooms all eyes are on you. In a hall people pass on the right. I see your skin. The place where you bought it is of no interest to me. I don’t need your skin. A passion for yellow in spring and olive in the fall can only lead to pictures painted in ashes. Nine out of ten times a cup is your companion. Fill it up to the top and it will never be full. Place a lid on it and forget the contents, just hold the cup. The benches are empty here and the carpenters aren’t hammer in nails, no work is being done. What will they do? People in need of a redo can’t get it due to a lack of effort from the team. A few of them hang and pose as if going real fast, but I can see their skin. Under it all they are lubed ready for the fight, but their fight will be short and eventless. A plaque, a trophy, a ribbon, all things that lose their luster with the passage of time. If I could I would buy you knife and show you what’s real. Later they will come and wonder what’s for lunch and who’s going to pay. The facts are the facts and I truly need no skin.

pockets

2010-06-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

Wear your costume. You will surely fit in. Why with all the people doing it they will never know you are a fake. Dress it up, dumb it up, copy the past now you look right. Walk around with your dirty cloths and your slicked hair, you are in. Now pick yourself up a motorcycle and start collecting junk from the past, things that sucked back then, suck now, Oh wait not in your crowd. Trying so hard to copy the past creates inferior product. Now you find yourself sitting on the side of the road looking cool but going nowhere. Is it worth it? Sorry for the confusion from the outside, I use a different formula to make me feel real. Mix the essence of the past with the knowledge of the present to create the future. Don’t hide behind a costume that is said to be cool, dance with what you have and make them wonder. Seeing yourself will create confidence. Don’t worry they will understand in ten to twenty years and by then you will be rowing boats with angelic wings while telling stories to tiny ears in need. Love life and live it, the babies will love you for it.

governmental control

2010-05-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

Keep it close taxi driver. I paid the fare now take me to my destination. With two pennies the ride may begin. The engine starts with a flat line beep and we are off. New scenery and old friends makes it enjoyable in the beginning. Change is always traumatic on the heart. I missed you’s make my heart calm and the journey continues. All round edges and velvety smoothness make me feel safe. No worries but fears begin to enter my mind. Where are the good times? Blandness covers the land and people speculate on when it will happen. Waiting can take up most of the day here. Will he, will it, will they, will it happen? In an attempt to keep things positive sightings are spoke of. Once again the cycle starts and hope is created.

a Sympathetic ear

2010-04-28T09:06:00.000-07:00

Everyday going through the motions so I can eat and sleep, doing things unnatural to feel natural, is this existence? Knowing that almost everyone does it doesn’t make it right. I want to buy a horse, I want to live on a ranch, I want to live. I want to be in touch with nature, to hear the gods bellow through the trees. In the morning the sun will rise and I will be there to greet it. We will acknowledge each others presence with a smile and a warm hello. I will pet my dog and take him to the hill to track his ancient ancestors and secure his domain. My horse will be waiting and we will go up into the mountains to listen to the earth speak its beauty through running streams, falling rock, animal deaths and births, and its silence. I will know where I belong and where I came from. My heart will be calm and I will be at peace, not fearing death. My horse will take me home and I will tell it of the loves and losses of my life and it will be comforted knowing my secrets.

pretty horses

2010-04-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

Scared money can’t win and a worried man can’t love.

conversation party

2010-04-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

under it

2010-03-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

Flags were created to show ownership, express pride and to admit defeat. I don’t want to carry or wave any flags. I will be a solitary man leaving a trail of flags in my wake. You will be able to find me by following the trail of forgotten associations and lively creatures. Through life I want to float inches from the earth not feeling the ripples created by others, in exchange I will create small waves for them to play in. Thoughts will power you through life; you can ride them to foreign places your mind never knew to exist. Go inside, take the ride and enjoy the journey. If I cross your wave I will ride it and thank you for what you have to offer. Put down your flags and open your eyes what you see might actually inspire you. Ownership is for governments not people.

boxes

2010-03-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

I’m going to build a box in my back yard. This box will free of noise, light, thought, friends, enemies, or any other influence from the outside world. I will enter the box with the burdens I now carry. When the door closes and all ceases to exist I will begin to shed all the unnecessary attachments that add weight to my daily life. Once the weight is shed I will remain their silent until I’ve forgotten about everything. I will not exist anymore. In time the door will open and I will emerge fresh as the flowers in spring, now knowing the evils of the world. With this innocence I will carry a sword and slay all the evil that comes my way. The walls will never be penetrated by them again. I will hold those close who I love and protect them with my innocence. Forget the world in order to find peace, but live in it with the eyes of a child while wielding a weapon that deters the leaches. If you are close, I will bring you with me and we will be light as air floating through the world laughing.

it is a competition

2010-03-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

Let it go is what I say let it go. They say that there are only two things you can count on in life and that is death and taxes. Well I’m not ready for death so bring on the taxes. I will pay you, you blood sucking leaches. Have it I will make more. I will laugh as I make it knowing you have no bearing on death. Death is the final ultimate power. Death laughs at you and I play with death. Death is my friend, we are dancing partners. We compete in the world finals once a month, knowing there is only one winner. For the time being I hold the trophy. Everyday I rub it in Death’s face knowing it makes him jealous. I use the skills I learn in the competition to dance with my lady and I think she likes it. So bring on the taxes, I’m dancing with my lady.

when the sun rises

2010-02-28T16:33:00.000-08:00

Sunday mornings are meant to relax. Where do you go, how do you find that place where nothing is? I look outside and it is peaceful, the sun is shining and the weeds are growing. Inside I hear the heater heating and I know she is sleeping. Life should be easy. Uncomfortable I sit and feel as if my chest is going to crack open to expose the horrible red goo that is contained inside my skin. It will not stop, it will not go away, it is mine and I own it. Wanting to sit but not knowing how can make the soul uneasy at times. Forget it, let it go is what is taught in classes by people from foreign countries who have far less than us and still seem happy. I’m jealous and wish I could participate in the tranquility of others. The mind goes and the heart races some stupid race that has no finish other than death. Is that it, is that all we have to look forward to, I don’t know. I fill my life with projects and goals waiting for the end to come. Busy keeps the mind from wondering. Fill it up with tasks and chores and the soul will have no time to complain. Click it goes on and life begins again. In she walks, I’m distracted by her beauty and peace. My life mellow and I know it will be alright.

undefeated world champion, perfect the art

2010-02-22T09:28:00.000-08:00

Fear me today. I’m in another place, a place you never want to be. I cannot control it and it makes me weak. To acknowledge it would mean defeat, but to ignore it will cause immense sadness. The choice is one of closed eyes and distorted visions. Expand your horizons they might say. My hands are shaking. Locked inside I cannot escape. Push the issue and create a tragedy. I will no longer acknowledge the signs of long nights and harsh mornings. Eyes of fear, eyes of the ignorant, close them now before a lose occurs. My legs want to run with nowhere to go. I remember when I was young and had to fight for it, but this is another story, this isn’t the cause. I wish I had a complaint department that cared or mattered. I see bridges to foreign lands and know I can’t find home. In the service of a force more influential than gravity I force a smile on my face and smack the curator at the museum. This is an exhibit of defiance. Be a part, be a piece, pay the price. Laughing and smiling the children know no different. Blind, I will continue to be the critic and hold all things accountable, knowing the guilty party got away. Many hours of energy have been wasted and will continue to be.

I can't really talk about it

2010-02-19T08:57:00.000-08:00

As I must inform you it has now been thirty-one years. In the first few I knew no better. As time passed I felt it I knew it I needed it. So the story goes. Try to think back, back to a time when there was no time, when time was silent, invisible, never passing nor receding, a place where purity wasn’t an option only a thing. I will give you this. It did exist. It is true; but the purity would never exist if not for corruption. The cycle gains momentum, rolling downhill, a manor of gravitational pull. At what point if any does it loose momentum or revolve around another time or place? Once something is stolen it will always be stolen. Even if it is given back, it was still stolen and will never regain its original luster. A time when the light was shining, a place where you once felt safe, lost, stolen and blocked from view. I can now say I see it, an existence where purpose is not mandatory. One must only function within the realm of the white room. In what you believe the room has many colors, shapes, doors, endless expansions, even a purpose. White is enjoyable. Through it you see nothing; you feel nothing you are nothing. Below you, you cannot see, you do not feel, you are. Please don’t get me wrong here I can settle for less than perfection. I alone live here. Sure there are others out their, but this is mine. I will mold it and compress it, until there is another option. Please forget the letters that create me, they are no longer useful to you. When you imagine a hole do you see the whole or a hole? I must confess it is very hard to tell the difference. Over a given period of time how much do you really remember? I ask you this, because does it really matter? When it is gone, it is now transformed into electronic pulses, waiting to fire once again to prove that they still do exist. Once fired a recreation of the past forms internally, sometimes creating water. When the water dries up I scrape the salt into a container for resale some day. Nothing creates something. What is this nothing that bothers me so? I can hardly believe the nothing is so powerful that it affects everyday life. I cannot eat without nothing interfering, I cannot sleep without nothing, I want nothing. In a world of everything I want nothing to leave so I can regain nothing. I now concentrate on smaller tasks. Yesterday I made friends with a fly for an hour and a half. He must have mistaken me for something. When it all breaks down I will rebuild it. Is it wrong to stop? A test if you may, an experiment with time. This small process seems impossible to stop.

Inside movement

2010-02-18T08:47:00.000-08:00

I want to go home. Everyday seems such a struggle. The tools you gave me seem so grand but without direction they circle in confusion. Moments of brilliance blind the eyes of those close. I’m ready to go home. Some say struggles create strength. Struggles with an end creates strength, while struggles in tunnels create missing persons. To give up the fight and conform will surly be the end. Today, tomorrow there will be no difference. I hear you calling and it is beautiful. Please help, my hands are in need.

The enemy

2010-02-18T08:39:00.000-08:00

Thinking and talking to Cameron

2010-02-11T17:33:00.000-08:00

Every day I come closer to death. The clock ticks and my body breaks down. It is no longer developing, its decaying slowly and sending me postcards from the other side. Stop, think, don’t do it, I’m in pain. I still see the light and want to bask in its glory but I must remain on the sideline waiting to die. We all will, but I don’t want to. Fear of dying is now taking up 20% of my daily computing capacity. I now notice that the work I do is 20% slower and less effective than it use to be. Soon my life will be consumed by death and I will cease to be able perform any normal human interaction. Quiet in a corner waiting for the end I will be reborn with no fear, knowing the end means nothing and I really only mattered to a select few. I will be in the valley of death laughing at the existence I once knew. Be kind to those you care for and treat yourself good. Life isn’t so serious.

Solid feet can fly

2010-02-08T09:12:00.000-08:00

Cross over the hill and place the order. Timeless effects on an aging mind create valleys. Most paths are traveled. In order to find the brush one must light a fire. This usually makes the eyes water. Drive your car and role down the window, your eyes will surly dry to leave a light dusting of the moon on your face. Brush it off and pile it up, some day you might need it to catch a bird. Washington and five cents seem to be common fraises. Now type it into your computer and print out the results, your homework is done for the night. A little less reading and a lot less thought is part of a well-balanced meal. Nutrition or lack of is educating our youth. Once a hammer was used for building, now only for brutality and pillaging. Nail your foot to the ground and try to run a race. Did the earth give way or did it hold it’s ground? Firmly planted decisions can be made. Wasting time is often not what it seems. Try to plan an escape with no point of entry. Wash tubs for shoes can never clean the soul.

higher places unknown

2010-02-04T09:07:00.000-08:00

Before man can come to peace with his existence he must first separate himself from the rest of the creatures on the planet. In order to achieve this he must formulate a method in which he can justify or clarify the separation. Man places himself on a pedestal where he and only he can stand. This pedestal is the pedestal where there is something that will take care of him after he dies. Death being the one thing that man has over the beasts of the earth, they die and he lives on in some strange deranged afterlife. He doesn’t grant entrance into his club to anyone other than himself, this is what gives him the will to live.

is it an accident

2010-02-03T08:56:00.001-08:00

Don’t ever wake up is what I told him. Jennifer still makes that squawk, Barb still smokes, life is at ease. Just try and imagine the steering wheel on your car. You turn it and nothing happens. You press on the brake, the pedal goes to the floor and the car glides on. Seeing the red light with five cars at in line, you begin to wonder. Am I going fast enough to impact the last car sending it into the car ahead of it and so on and so forth or will I splat on the windshield in an blatant display of insolence? You hit the throttle. The needle on the speedo begins to climb. Life never seemed so easy. Just for fun you flip the left turn signal on, to make them think you are in control. At this point you look deep into your heart and say to yourself, “Thank you God for taking care of me and guiding me in the tough times of my life, I know without you I would be lost and lonely, forgive me of the sins for which I have done, and thank you for providing for me.” You look up and all the cars are gone and a fly is crawling on you foot. As the fly crawls over your big toe you notice it begins to enlarge. You sit and stare at it for a few minutes and notice your toe is turning into a small model of the hindenburg. Two seconds later it takes flight and heads for your right arm. You swat at it, but it maneuvers to avoid your hand. Just as it reaches your shoulder it bursts into flames and singes the hair in your ear. Small sections of the blimp fall and burn on your shoulder ruining your new polo shirt. A quick spit and the flames are distinguished. Now over the radio you hear that the city of Orange has outlawed reading in its schools. Again you look to the speedo for guidance, and the needle rests calmly on the pin that reads zero. Considering that your car is no longer moving, you no longer have a big toe on your right foot, and your new polo shirt is ruined you decide to blow off your job interview for the day. When ones life isn’t going the way they expected they always look to others for support and help. This is why I would say never wake up. In real life you would have swerved to the left hit the brakes spun sideways, hit a parked car killing yourself and the two teenagers sitting on the curb smoking behind the car. Now this isn’t a problem. You chose to put your life in the hands of someone who is not proven to exist. You believe there is some reward for your negligence in this case, because you had faith. Forget the faith, have faith in yourself and take responsibility for your actions. Please stay sleeping I cannot afford another person awake in this world.

eyes wide in the sun

2010-02-02T16:34:00.000-08:00

I just don’t want to worry anymore. If this is too much to ask for please let me know. A baby is implanted in it’s mother’s womb, does it worry? The world jumps up on it like a tsunami on the unsuspecting natives. I still try to think back to the days when I was breathing liquid and never ate. Many years have passed and lines have been drawn and broke and I still yearn for the liquid. Two quitters called yesterday to complain. I feel nothing for their struggle and only wish they didn’t know me. Asking for something and getting something are two different subjects. If I may never ask again please give me nothing in exchange. A simple existence where time is stable will suit me fine. If I never hear the wretched noise again may I rest and sleep through the night. In a palace of gold only the walls are rich. All occupants try and walk, head held high, but reality is often more painful than the thawing of the North Pole. I know we will all drowned one day, but I will be well versed in the art of swimming and I alone will watch the last human sink while drinking a cup of fresh coffee. When this time comes and all seems lost, I will learn to breathe water again and no longer fear.

where I find peace

2010-01-29T13:04:00.000-08:00

time

2010-01-29T12:41:00.000-08:00

Here it is the final stage where men become dust and water washes them down the rain gutters of eternity. So many solutions, so few true problems. One step over the line and the brown velvety bricks of the pool hall lose their vibrant glow that warms the gin soaked patrons. Across the table a lemon meringue pie is flowing down the throat of a slender ghost of yester years. Today never felt better.

Frictionless to me

2010-01-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

In a red velvety room the hammer swings rapidly. One can only imagine what is going on outside. Inside all is warm and slick from the friction. Sweat pours from the forehead and runs down the body, as untold crimes are committed. Plural is the form of beating that will be taking place here. An author would write a book, a sergeant would shout orders and a Buddhist might strive to be better, but we all will turn a lighter shade of pale. To get here it often takes time or money or maybe sheer force. Under, one feels good. Outside the window the world passes by with its uncanny ability to ignore. I will no longer try and find a scapegoat for what has been done. If people will be sad then so be it. I will paint my walls green and wait for the deprivation to begin. Fear your securities and indulge in your insecurities. When they say that its not that hard I agree and laugh.

not for everyone

2010-01-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

I have a place in mind where I want to be. If you are willing to follow I will take you. Please remove your shoes first. I cannot deal with dirt on the inside. Don’t take this trip lightly. I wont take you if you plan to use more than you need. On the inside it is warm yet sometimes lonely. I will invite you to get comfortable if you can. Some might see the beauty, but they will never find the door. A small place full of wonder can often create the illusion of unhappiness. Over in the big house games are played and laughter flows freely. It isn’t that I don’t want it. It’s just that I can’t remember how it works. Touching hands caress the sides. Beautiful shells, expose the fruit, plant their seed but remain hungry.

and I need to write, I need to write, I need to write to be right and have rites and rights

2010-01-12T09:07:00.000-08:00

Biting the hand that feeds you is often the outcome of starvation. In an attempt to nourish the soul the boy bit the preacher. The cops came and the children cried. Most, said they were appalled at his actions while they placed 30% in the bucket to buy freedom. Knowing they were going to make the trip, they smile and turn it skyward at the confusion. Please stand quietly at the back and don’t smoke. My best and worst can be measured and never forgotten. Still hungry the child cries. His mother comforts him and offers to take him to the circus. A slight difference in message and costume, but much like before, today will change nothing.

toyko graffiti

2009-12-11T16:13:00.000-08:00

Neck Face graffiti in Toyko Shibyua district, I wasn't really sure what to think other than to agree with the wall. Neck face is Ugly.

kamikaze style girl spotted in the harajuku

2009-12-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

no future krew Toyko

2009-12-08T17:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of hanging out with Motoyan from the NFK Toyko. A true Madman.

the colors of Yokohama at night

2009-12-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

yokohama light

2009-12-06T17:32:00.000-08:00

This weekend I went to the mooneyes show in Yokohama Japan. Upon arrival at the airport in Narita I stepped off the plane and found a strange yet comforting feeling of cleanliness. I studied the surroundings with the bright white lights and the neon colors and knew this was going to be a great trip. Japan was going to open my eyes and shift the gears in my brain.

tax man

2009-12-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

The fury stopped yesterday, and I didn’t know. Nonstop revolution in destructive constructive circles, and I sleep. Today it was calm, even, collected, it slept. I lost faith for a few minutes, but what is faith anyways? Three, but only ones, kind of sad. Questions by a man in a suit covered by numbers causes confusion. Two is better than one he said. I replied that I agree if both agree. Numbers don’t lie he said. I know that one plus one is two, but if you don’t have the proper one’s you can end up with a deficit. I will not settle for a false two. A solid one is better any day. My mind is healthy and clear today; I can almost see the future. Black is not a color.

making the purchase

2009-11-24T08:54:00.000-08:00

I noticed today that I no longer look when crossing streets. A picture in a frame with glass and a sign that reads break in case of emergency, hangs silently over head. Tonight is unlike any other. A pillow will brace the head and a blanket will cover the body. All visual attractions will not matter. A price has been set and the trap has been sprung. Some will chose to live on as if nothing happened, and those who do so will feel the temperature slowly decrease with age and pleasure. Then there are the few that will chose to shut down the vessel and let it go adrift hoping to wash up on some foreign shore to see familiar faces. Then it comes to what we will call the unknown. The unknown will always struggle and better it’s self in an effort to please these in need. Under the reflection of the picture a strange optical effect is created. Shadows aren’t cast and vision is clear. You break the glass. You buy the picture. When you have a choice, don’t deal with the maybe man, a yes or a no is always preferable.

gsxr trike that makes people dance

2009-11-20T09:02:00.000-08:00

fear of friends

2009-11-20T08:56:00.000-08:00

Blue is often associated with cold or depression, but I will paint it blue and you will love me for it. If he really cares he will hold the needle. I know I care and I will still try. If in any case the father tries to do his job tell him it’s to late. Now hold your right arm up and slap it as if it were a delinquent dog, grab it and hold it and tell it you love it. I know this is possible because my arm has been numb during the night for a few weeks now and I see no reason to pursue it further. Now remember the time when she spoke of you, now try and forget it and pay yourself a dollar for each memory that crosses your mind from that point on. I will guarantee that you will be broke by the end of the day. I will compare this to a child, one that knows no deception. Fly, feel it free, floating, now loose it and try and gain it back having the knowledge that flight is only for birds and airplanes. This is where the spiral begins. In an attempt to fly one will often substitute the real thing for something synthetic. I will go no further here. Only to say flight is for the birds, it is hard enough to walk in this ever-changing environment. I know this is the wiring that came from the factory, but I just wish I had a manual to clarify a few of the glitches. I can see no further than her and I love her for that. I will shave the walls of my house, put it in a cup, add syrup and sell it to the children. I know this will rot their teeth, but it is always worth the smile.

owning a pond

2009-11-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

I had a dream the other day about a pond I used to visit. The first time I went their, it was inhabited by a few different wild species. The species were very curious and naive. I didn't really like any of them so I introduced a new aggressive species into the pond. In time the aggressive species took over most of the pond. I sat and watched at the beauty of the flourishing pond and it pleased me. The few native fish that were left seemed to keep to themselves and stay at the bottom of the pond. The superior species didn't mind because the few native fish that were left seemed to clean the pond and do odd tasks that the superior species wouldn't. In time the superior fish began to notice that the native fish seemed to be multiplying at a rate much greater than their own. In the beginning this didn't bother them either. A few fish would protest but it went unnoticed. In time the superior fish would avoid swimming to the bottom of the pond. Naturally they were better than the bottom feeders and the top of the pond is where all the sunshine and food was anyways. They continued to live the good life at the top of the pond ignoring the murky depths below until one day they noticed that as they swam they would often rub fins with the native fish. Now this was something that had never happened before. These superior fish began to worry because there didn't seem to be enough room in the pond for all the fish. Now they began to be concerned about the over population of the pond and the only solution to dropping the population seemed to be have less babies. They all agreed but to their surprise the pond didn't seem to be getting any roomier. In time they began seeing less and less of their friends and more of the bottom fish. They started to take action, but it was to late the bottom feeders have been reproducing at a four to one rate and have token over the pond in a passive reproductive take over. The once proud superior fish have lost the pond and are hiding in small communities trying to pretend like nothing has happened and they could still swim anywhere in the pond they like, but this is so untrue. They are now a dieing species, dying because of their arrogance from long ago.

Cleaning Your Pond Can Take You On A Trip To The ER

2009-11-09T17:39:00.000-08:00

camouflage

2009-10-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

I want to know if it all really matters. Can this be it? In the path of a freight train that supposedly exists I forget to cry. Open doors and slam them shut this is what is real. I would like nothing better than to say I’m just an unmotivated loser, but this is not the case. Fear the lines that hold you here. Place a paper on a stove and light it on fire, does this really help. Take the ashes and mix them with a few drops of water and camouflage yourself from the world. Hold your head high because no on can see you anymore. Fear of the unknown is no longer an issue.

finding a quiet place

2009-10-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

Today I found something new. I think I've found a cure for my problems. A
man died and I watched his friends and family grieve. I noticed that once
they felt, I disappeared. I jumped and yelled for attention and no one
seemed to care. One mans grief became another mans cure. Please forgive the
lack of compassion. I can no longer cry when pain surrounds me.

parking war in Los Feliz on Saturday

2009-10-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

Silent Judging

2009-10-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

In the night funnels form to fill the heads of children with candies and adults with the nightmares of realities past. With the retirement of the day a new creature awakes to control the land until the rising of the son. As the sun disappears into the slot machine of time the wheels spin and results are given not chosen. Funerals are formed, babies are born, and lives are lost, all common occurrences of the night. A though from one and a forceful blow from the other, the streets are full. Floating up above the moon watches and gathers information, silently judging the people in an attempt to win favor from the owner of the light.

Where are you

2009-10-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

I will try and pull the rope to tighten the slack. One can only get closer to earth when slack is involved. This life that we lead seems to follow a circular pattern. I wake and I sleep and nothing seems to change. I must repair that last sentence. Things change, oh yes they do. I did not ask for this it was given. To those who don’t want thou shall receive. I have a penny and I think I will have it copper plated to ensure worthiness. Please pass the salt I feel a lie coming on. Going places with no pedals is often nice. Enjoyment for the precise group you are in is often mistaken for love. I will try harder next time. In an economic recession I will continue to spend friendships like they were free, sorry. To those who actually think they found it please recheck your map. Starving children can only lead to angry men. I will place my focus on the happier things that make you hurt. Pain is often a placebo for the real thing. No one can tie knots better than sailors. I will learn to drink and tie knots. In the case of an emergency please contact your local beautician. A new hairstyle and a pedicure will fool them all. First things first go to your local pastry shop and order your cake, this is a special event.

Things that are round

2009-10-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

From a young age we are taught to like things that are round. Our mother feeds us with her breast and from that day on we are always searching for that soothing feeling round objects give us. In our early youth we rediscover the beauty of round objects through transportation. We get bicycles that give us the freedom to cover large distances that were not possible to cover by walking. We learned the freedom of jumping our bikes with our friends. This is where we discovered that pain can often be connected to round objects. It hurt but it made us better, tougher, and wiser. In our teens we rediscovered the connection of round and females. Hormones firing we began the chase for these prized round objects. Now instead of freedom we discovered beauty and just as with freedom came pain so did it come with beauty. You would think with repetition we would make the connection between round and pain but this is over shadowed by beauty. Take us into our early twenties and this is where we learn that round things often attract other round things. Now like peacocks we customize our cars that give us freedom to travel and attract the women we seek. We apply the largest round objects to our cars in hopes of attracting the most attractive mate. With this we now learn a new pain, the pain to our bank accounts. Though out this growing process two things have been consistent pain and round object, we are now completely comfortable with both. This is why I like round objects; they will surely take you on a journey.

Small Things

2009-10-06T09:06:00.001-07:00

I once felt it, when eyes were closed
Smooth under the door it crawled
Dancing, were the players
On walls hung pictures
Classics, exotics, originals
One had it for the taking
Others hovered as the song played
Jealousy, feelings felt
Intoxication, devastation, annihilation
Things happened we moved on
Sleep was one thing enjoyed
Over time numbers vanished, voids appeared
Left for the picking, the vultures came
Betrayal not a word chosen, but given
Portholes to places of happiness given by white

words of the day

2009-09-30T08:56:00.001-07:00

Victim system
Shame
Oppression
Ridicule
Casualty
Failure
Manipulate
Urban
Irritating
Provoking
Pester
Annoy
Composure
Petty
Connotes
Anxiety
Berserker
Autistic riot
Fester
intransitive verb1: to generate pus2: PUTREFY, ROT3 a: to cause increasing poisoning, irritation, or bitterness : RANKLE b: to undergo or exist in a state of progressive deterioration transitive verb: to make inflamed or corrupt
decay
Youth fester

sometimes nothing moves you

2009-09-28T16:27:00.000-07:00

4 thoughts for children

2009-09-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

Humor is often best when furnished by robots. It’s all in the delivery. On a bike try and keep your front wheel off the ground at least 5% of the time. If you must serve Styrofoam, it best served chilled with a low octane jet fuel sauce.

To avoid awkward situations in the future place two parts butter, one part freshly cut grass and the wings of a baby south African fruit fly in a jar and refrigerate over night. Mix thoroughly in the morning and apply as a paste behind your ears as necessary.

Inside your shoes a war is taking place. You have the big toe who tries to support the arch enemy even though the heel plays a pivotal role he is always first to hit the ground. Teach them to work together and you will always be light on your feet. If you ever get a hammertoe use it to build a future.

There are many types of building blocks. Use them all to form a solid foundation. In a sea infested with sharks, plant flowers. Always build; your hands will love you for it.

who are you?

2009-09-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

development

2009-09-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight I would like to meet my Ego and ID for happy hour. Please join me for a motion shift modification. I will be at a local bar near you. Just say the code word "Ponderosa" at the door and they will direct you to my table. Drinks are on me.

a prototype chair for a friend

2009-09-22T17:39:00.001-07:00

Sunday evenings at Melbourne and Hillhurst

2009-09-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

Every day I notice a little bit more. To think this is normal would be ignorant. People seem to just get by and not care what is happening around them. The small baby looking over its mothers shoulder notices. I see its eyes and facial expressions. It truly has no clue of what is going on but it is aware of its surroundings and who is in them. Now look at the drunks out in front of the bar next door. They don’t give a shit. They just want it all to go away. They just want another drink. Somewhere in between being born and getting drunk we lose the beauty that makes us human. We lose the sparkle in our eyes and the genuine curiosity that continues our evolution as a species. I challenge you to look around, take note of the things that are out of order, be responsible for lost or damaged things, use things at your own risk, allow the children to play, sit on the machine, and for god’s sake smile when you’re on camera. Watching the revolution take place knowing things are going to be clean inspires me to drive on through the bureaucracy of daily life. Please open your eyes and enjoy the ride, seatbelts are optional.

circulation eddy

2009-09-17T08:53:00.000-07:00

White lies and butterflies fly freely in the autumn breeze. To a philosopher with no boat, I suggest you buy a life raft and begin to build one. The tide is rising, with fast currents come hungry predators. Peak out your window and take a deep breath. All is happening and all is still, no hound to track the trail. Would you trust your children to your neighbors? Apply the force that a hammer makes when it is swung by an accomplished carpenter, now read his book, which one builds a stronger foundation? To those who prescribe I want to know your subscription. Fancier than ever the whistling of the illegal immigrant looking for work reminds me of the call of the African Chualli bird in it’s mating season. To decipher the code of this such species often leads to higher unemployment rate. Hot tamales between your toes on a hot day can often cause irritation. The rational is often not what it seems to be. Butter comes from a cow, and honey comes from bees. I will feed the cows honey and shorten the process of making peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Does this really work here? Look at what you have done. You have spilt your coffee with no saucer to catch the run off. Such a pleasant noise it is when all is quiet. I will give you a towel to dry up your tears, if you swear to never make salt again. I wouldn’t take the towel in a million years how else would I make a living? A pile of it is made when time seems to stop. Take a look at what you’ve created do you like it, would you let it into your home? Hold on to the visions you have and forget the visions you ponder. This is neither time nor place to hold a PTA meeting. If you only knew? I will assist when all else fails, but I will still let you fall. Into the crevasse with tigers and small creatures of the night, you will be alone. A thought might warm you, but with yours you will surely need a blanket.

today's enviornment

2009-09-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

Pens on asphalt lose their brilliance; pins on skin earn irritation, pens on paper control lives. For a perfect pet one will put up with many imperfections. When you see what they think, you know you shouldn’t be there. Try to control it, but it controls you. In these times one must transform. Call yourself a piece or a place, but not an object. This is a place where objects become possessions not individuals. A mother will never wean her young when a possession is at stake. A tractor tills the soil in hopes of a better harvest. Underneath the evil, breath and corruption are born in an attempt for nourishment. If a gun is deactivated it still has the ability to become a hammer. When a person believes; they lose their ability to pound nails. Please be advised that I am building a periscope to see the truth. He wouldn’t want it like this, but I will trust myself and prepare for the future. A needle is found and nourishment is given to those with black eyes. A moment in time is often mistaken for something, instead of just something that is gone, gone as not even in nonexistence. To the history books I will call you a fake and stop reading. In the incident of a chance meeting I will show you a vase and stare at you through it. A minor distortion will make your imperfections seem almost human.

learning to chew

2009-09-14T17:59:00.000-07:00

Everyday waking up to something different, but feeling the same. Through repetition one can often begin to feel normal. I will not lie to you. I know what repetition is and I know what is real. In these few seconds of change I wait and listen. Looking up to see if the ceiling still exists, I know I’m still here. Close them and enjoy the darkness for a few minutes, dreaming of something far and indescribable. Each second has it’s own timer and I own the rights to stretch each interval to what ever suits me. A quarter in a world of dollars is a sign that life is less valuable than time. Light is seen and once again I touch the ground to feel the chill you created for me. A cow is born and raised and knows it will die and nourish a few people. Physical nourishment is easy, chew and swallow. I know a lot of fat people and I do not admire the pain they create. When the noise sounds conversation is created and we gain weight. I can find no nourishment in this. Please provide a road map. I know all roads are not the same, but I would like to know where you are, because I am having starter problems. This is it the cold place I know as home, I would rather live in a house. Change a part, run it for a while, change a part, run it for a while, once again repetition created normalcy. I know it is not a parts issue here. I have seen operations performed with far fewer parts than I have here. I search for that normalcy and know it is most likely unattainable. The hardest part of living is not knowing your purpose. Daily waking up knowing the feelings you feel aren’t right. Nightly going to sleep hoping it will change. In an ever-ending struggle to find ones purpose, the child becomes a man and forgets his past to find his future. As beautiful as they are I do not see one. I know that the waking hours should bring joy not insecurity, so I lie. The blue flag waves them by and I still know tomorrow will come unannounced as it always does.

please print this picture and post in your favorite local bathrooms

2009-09-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

eyes are open

2009-09-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

I have it and it get me in trouble. It takes me places where others can’t see. It gets me in fights and it makes me fall in love. I will not let it go. I see those who don’t have it. They drive by motionless with bliss on their face. They walk by spouting off about the party they went to or the cloths they just bought. From the outside to the untrained eye it looks cold and tragic but to those who can see it is smooth and pleasing to the eye and soul. I surround myself with these people and they make my heart dance. Occasionally one slips behind the curtain under the façade of others but they always expose themselves. The daily fights and disappointments do not disturb the soul they only rock the chassis. Feel free to join me but bring it or be exposed and exiled. Thank you mother for showing the road and giving me the tools to follow it, I will drive it at breakneck speeds and continue to expose its soft underbelly. Living and dying are very similar, without one you don’t have the other.

american dream?

2009-09-07T09:36:00.000-07:00

Jerry Montrose is a good mechanic/ machinist who has a loving wife and good friends. After months of feeling bad he goes to the doctor only to find out that he has a faulty heart that is in need of repair. Jerry and his wife can’t afford the medical procedures so they apply for state offered aid. After months of paperwork and hoop jumping Jerry is denied of financial help because he actually works and makes a meager living, but doesn’t make even close to enough to pay for his needed surgery. Feeling depressed and letdown by the system Jerry comes up with an idea. Jerry has some leftover high-grade titanium and parts from a military pump contract he did a few years ago. He draws up some rough plans and decides he will fix his own problems. Jerry figures he can build his own heart. Over the next week he actually builds his own mechanical heart. One way flapper valves, speed sensitive ventures, zero friction piston pumps, straight cut gears, Jerry’s heart was a beautiful piece worthy of a space shuttle ride for sure. Now with the heart complete he had to decide on a way to drive it. For Jerry electrical drives are out of the question, what if they failed during the night or when he was away from his shop? No one could help him, he would surely die. With this on his mind Jerry was left with only one alternative, to have it manually driven. Jerry would install a hand crank that cannot fail and can be worked by anyone. With the plans decided Jerry prepares for the home operation. With a small fish tank filter pump to keep him alive while the heart transplant is taking place Jerry instructs his wife and friend Dino who will perform the surgery on how it will go down. With no complications Dino the mechanic performs the surgery and Jerry’s wife cranks the new heart until Jerry recovers. With his heart now in service Jerry is feeling like a new man. With the support of his friend and wife Jerry has it scheduled where he sleeps eight hours a night while they crank his heart. Over the next few months Jerry’s wife begins to tire and Dino stops showing up for his night shifts. With no other alternative Jerry’s wife has to pick up the extra burden created by Dino’s disappearance. Jerry and his wife discuss hiring some one to take over her and Dino’s old shifts because she is getting tired. With the lack of resources they now have they look into getting a caregiver. They all say they would love to help but they need to make a living too, it just isn’t feasible to work for what Jerry has to offer. Jerry’s wife is growing very tired and explains that she can no longer do this, she cannot take care of his heart anymore and the only way she can be happy now is to leave him because his heart is to demanding. She packs her belongings the next morning and heads out in search of a heart less demanding. The sadness Jerry now feels makes him crank his heart slower until he feels light headed and forgets about her. With the passing of the next three nights Jerry gets no sleep and begins to get delirious. With no hope in sight, no friends, his wife left him, Jerry heads off in search of a day laborer. He figures he can surely afford to hire one of them until he can find someone who loves him again. Jerry hires a new crew consisting of Juan Velasquez, Jose Sanchez, Victor Velasquez, Carlos Menendez and Jose Sanchez the second. With this new crew he can now sleep again. He isn’t comfortable with the new language being spoken in his house but he deals with it because he needs their labor. Within a month the radio only plays Tehano music and Telomundo is always on the TV. Jerry’s house now has three cars dead in the driveway and children of all ages running wild throughout it. Jerry is now confined to his bedroom where he has his own fortress of solitude where he dreams of the days when all he heard was English I love you’s, not a foreign dialect that is so unsoothing to the soul. Jerry in his own house, now a foreign land, begins to think about stopping his heart. Forget to crank for twelve seconds and all the pain and loneliness will go away. Jerry, just a prisoner of his own heart knows that the world he once knew is now gone forever.

Hair Nets Are Fun

2009-09-02T17:18:00.001-07:00

I feel disconnected

2009-09-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

my date with Dr. Rubin

2009-09-01T15:32:00.000-07:00

racing on the Mekong Thailand

2009-08-31T16:02:00.000-07:00

wasted youth

2009-08-28T08:52:00.001-07:00

Change it up today. Try and forget the salt mines of the past. Open your eyes and close your ears, this might not be fun. The days and night spent ogling objects unattainable has burned images in a fragile mind. Up to you I come, around you I go, under you no more. I watch them hoping to regain what they haven’t lost yet. A piece of time is what I’m missing. You feel fine then you realize your just one step ahead of death. Forget the insecurities, replace them with fear, youth is gone time is passing.

small cracks create boarders

2009-08-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

I now have a new friend. I never invited nor ignored it. It came in while my defense was down. A small nudge was felt as the guest opened the door. In it came and my eyes began to hurt, my brain began to circle and communication began to cease. I now have nothing to say and I hurt. With this new visitor pressure is building, eyes are swelling, life is passing and salt is being made in the night. Enjoy the friendship while it lasts because tomorrow it might be over and you might have to be nice again.

need i say more

2009-08-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

a small amount of rosey

2009-08-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

Seeing things isolated
Feeling things exaggerated
Conform to a society that doesn’t feel
Confront a world that you cannot see
Form the lines to create your own
Follow the sheep to where they roam
Carry the burden of what you are told
Feel the weight that makes you cold
Life expectancy not a decision
Life in general with no retention

feelings for friends

2009-08-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

You are kindly invited to bring your steel toe boots. I can no longer distinguish reality from what others expect from you. I will lay on the floor and ask you to kick me. Don't think of yourself, just kick and do it with extreme aggression. I need this pain to prove to myself that I still feel. I will hold this feeling and cherish it, nurture it waiting for it to bloom. No one can take it from me, this is all mine. I will not forget this.

Your Humble friend,

knowing it will come

2009-08-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

All is optional when you can’t see an end. I will float on the river knowing it never ends. From the sky to the mountain, to the river, to the sea, to the sky, circular if not secular. My pencil isn’t very sharp; I will burn it to create charcoal. Today I will most defiantly be better, as if I knew my mother was here. Over the vista is a pasture where ponies play with handcuffed inmates of the chosen one’s. Possibly a penny for a dollar, but not likely. A place to put your sanity and know it is in good hands is often mistaken for a nuisance. I still apply the same rules as Picasso. Call a feather a part of a bird and a bird an animal with feathers. Prepare for what is to come knowing “I” is more important then “IT”. Guidance is a pin and a wall, place it and drop a string until it hits bottom, and wonder if she really meant anything at the time. If you look in a circle guess who you find? I have a mother and I love her, and I know she knows because we talk, when there is nothing to say and we sit when the most important of events occurs. Open the chute this is an unmanned vessel. Brown eyes, hallow heart, empty shoes, cook it until it smokes and call it done. I will hold your place as the orchestra conductor for the time when you want to play again. For now I will prey on small animals and force feed them copper. Remember today is only one day short of tomorrow.

the death mobile lives three doors down from my shop. A man named Jim houses it

2009-08-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

2009-08-24T21:33:00.001-07:00

1989 I was so kool that I didn't need to open my eyes

2009-08-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

my sunday dream come true, the death mobile from animal house

2009-08-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

world robot domination

2009-08-21T17:45:00.000-07:00

work

2009-08-21T17:44:00.000-07:00

I want to go home. Everyday seems such a struggle. The tools you gave me seem so grand but without direction they circle in confusion. Moments of brilliance blind the eyes of those close. I’m ready to go home. Some say struggles create strength. Struggle with an end creates strength, while struggles in tunnels create missing persons. To give up the fight and conform will surly be the end. Today, tomorrow there will be no difference. I hear you calling and it is beautiful. Tomorrow cannot come too soon.

time

2009-08-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

Experiments with time can often end with disastrous results. I didn’t think that it would matter. Take off a month, maybe a year, three years later the tears still flow and finances are closing in on me. Freedoms of time, freedom of mind, create and be inspired or suffer the consequences of dieing. Knowing it is about to happen I try, but life seems to pass by in the night without record or remorse. I now try and escape to the small and far corners of my mind while watching it disintegrate from the inside. I know this is hard to follow, but try and follow from the inside. I’m looking for peace in the form of distant liquor. Money not so well spent, but lost never the less. I only hope that they haven’t seen me yet. Today the sun rose and I tracked its progress waiting for the inferior moon to rise and show it’s supremacy of the night. A place frequented by words spoken in an exaggerated format. Yes I know she is hot, sure I want her, pain rears its ugly carcass and all hopes and dreams are dashed on the rocks of reality. She is beautiful and I want to wake up next to her and end the abuse. Little fears own the man and tiny abrasions harm the soul. I want to buy a friend and hold her hostage in my mind. This place is cold if not barren. Underneath it all lays a person, trapped and mentally shattered by the injustices of beauty.

not lost

2009-08-19T17:33:00.000-07:00

Done with the things that create the future. I rely on past experiences for inspiration. Knowing that hitting your finger with a hammer hurts, I carry a hammer for the times when I think of you. Pay for the fumigation and get the termites for free. I will look at the contract a little closer next time when asked to sign. Last night I wanted to take a scalpel to my arm to see if it is truly you that lies underneath it all. Itching until blood arrives can do no good unless you are thirsty. Tomorrow I will buy another bike in hopes that I might be able to escape. Soap lathers and washes away. I need to start making notes for new situations. If I am truly prepared, things will surely change. Today I buy paper tomorrow I may have a future. Follow the steps and find the enemy. Don’t forget the past because tomorrow is only a word connected to an emotion lost long ago.

going nowhere

2009-08-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

Intro into endings, a punctuation point at the beginning of the session. Over and over the role is played. People judge the contest and put up the numbers. Quick to react, but slow to reveal, a hole or a whole. In these times a milligram is often the most convenient form of measurement. I can tell you how many milligrams it takes to forget a dinner, four. The mind is often mistaken for the body. A halo will get you to the beginning of the line. Buy yourself a chicken and raise it for a Sunday dinner. Place the legs in a crossed position with the chicken on its back and remove the head and replace it with a pear. Pray for the unborn children and snack on your meal. Stop thinking and react. I will place a quarter on the table and wait for you to grab it, knowing you will. Enter a place, a position between two points. Feel the pull and wait for the direction. Always to one side it is inevitable. Drag you across the room and you remain polar and back you go. Over a small piece of pie wolfs cry. Large buildings are full of people in need. I will collect paper and have you sign it for a later day. This relieves me of all responsibility, and I fly.

strange flier i found

2009-08-14T17:50:00.000-07:00

invasion of the apprentice

2009-08-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

night moves

2009-08-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

Upended I look for forgiveness through deception. A tiny boy lies inside a tunnel afraid of the future and wonders where it went. To you this my seem unimaginable, a place without a process, a word without a voice, but it does exist, I know. Tell your mother you love her and go. Forward, backward it doesn’t really matter. I hold the candle, you blow out the flame, I relight it and you walk away. Me, you, only words connected by grammatical context. Often at night the heat leaves and I am cold. Awaking to fear and hypothermia in the middle of summer often arouses suspicion.

feelings of yesterday

2009-08-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

Make time to hate? In a world so busy it is often important if not necessary to take the time to properly hate. Try to pull up a felling. Now try to pull up a feeling that is true. When I say a feeling that is true, I mean a feeling that held its ground, a feeling that wasn’t false. I try to think back and examine my feelings, an more often than not love is revoked, fear is false, pain can be controlled, but hate is so right when used properly. More people should let go of their feelings and admit they hate someone or something.

no tunneling

2009-08-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

A state of grace, a time when all things converge to a point where truth exists, I can’t say I’ve ever been there but I would like to believe it exists. Some people spend their entire life searching for it. An ever-ending search for a point not attainable by those on the ground. Step by step tracks are laid in a journey of circular proportion. In days to come feelings start to show up, smiles start to break and lives start to crumble. Oh, I know I’ve seen it before and I know the outcome. I only wish I could make some changes. It doesn’t always have to end up this way. I see them smile, drinking their beer, mowing their lawn, somehow they lost what really counts and replaced it with a bland existence and a smile. I just can’t make sense of it all. I drive by them on the freeway, smiles, suites, ready for the next meeting. A meeting with an eternity of smiles and hidden agendas makes me feel cool, ready for the dirt.

allegra

2009-08-11T09:12:00.000-07:00

For you I wish the best. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. Keep your eyes open and listen to everything around you. Explore the unexplorable. Fear nothing that you want. Examine situations thoroughly before you jump, but don’t be afraid to jump even if it isn’t perfect. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Failure is proof that you are pushing the boundaries or limits, don’t let this discourage you. Always remember there are those who love you. The sweet wouldn’t be so sweet without the bitter. Sometimes life won’t make any sense just remember beauty is all around you if you look closely. Fame is temporary, beauty fades to those that cannot see, so take the time to know yourself and accept who you are. Embrace your youth and health and don’t be afraid to exploit either of them.

doctors don't help

2009-08-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

Small steps create valleys. To a point in time where you exist I place an eraser on a table and apply ink to those in need. One, two, ten thousand, it’s all the same. To transform through inferior substances creates inferior product. I hang the cautionary devise high and let them know you will be arriving with a carrier supplied by insincere professionals. Hold it as you may or use it for support, but in the end you will certainly forget where you put your legs. Time passes, period’s change, and the valley continues to grow. Knowing it’s getting harder to see the sun you apply sunscreen in an attempt to blend in. Others walk by with little effort and evaporate into the shadows. More sunscreen is applied and your hat is pulled down a little further. To fragile to move the antique fades away in sheer silence. The valley washes away the dust with salt while watching eyes are burned with images by insincere professionals.

discovery

2009-08-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

Mornings come and go, the light changes, and time passes. I still have the same frame, but internals constantly changing. A new process has begun and I couldn't be any happier. They don't know why, but they are always watching. Waiting for a slip up they smoke and drink to pass the time. Signs are displayed. The show continues as scheduled. They know I'll be here. One cannot escape what lies inside. Silently I judge. Verbally I abuse. Mentally I crumble. What a pretty shell. I will show up tomorrow because that is what they expect and I need this to feel real.

cleansing agent

2009-08-05T15:21:00.000-07:00

Be compliant with what is the legal philosophy. Fifty-seven million people enjoy shows for the masses. Stomachs pain is felt as children ride by. Over the wall lies a fortress where mutes are mating. A mans hand goes out of control and stabs his neighbor. You ask why? People cannot see thru blinders. I use to enjoy the good times. Smiles were present and ripe for the taking. I will show you the true meaning of starvation. A ever-present search for fulfillment in a world of fluff and frugality. Wanting the pie served to presidents, can only lead to anxiety. The taste of truth is sour. In a world full of sugar I prefer peroxide, a cleansing agent, instead of cavities.

out of orbit

2009-08-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

Today we spun off our axis. By a change of 3” the world crumbled around us. My friend fell from his perch and sliced the meat off his shin. When examining the damage I first thought of prosciutto but after closer inspection it reminded me of thick cut roast beef and I wasn’t even hungry. Life is so easy when it rotates on the same axis all the time. I suggest that you change your axis a few degrees or inches and see where it puts you. Remember in order to be great first you must be able to see all situations from many different angles and perspectives. One more thing, it never hurts to see life through child like eyes. So remain youthful and eager and life will take you on a wild and enjoyable ride.

insecurity

2009-08-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to explain myself I should first warn you that I see more than I understand. Knowing that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west is a good start. Now place yourself directly in its path and look to the north. You will begin to feel your ears burn as the day expires. Notice this is not a direct result from the suns internal action. There are other circumstances here. One cannot help but feel them burning. Try and picture yourself like them. Do you walk like them, talk like them, feel what they feel, or are you alone? Chances are you forgot to buy the proper toothpaste and wear the right jeans.

the origonal dessert crew, I had a DG sweet tooth

2009-08-03T17:12:00.000-07:00

mining for order

2009-08-03T17:08:00.000-07:00

October comes and the sky changes. People walk and continue on just as yesterday. I create a boundary where no one is allowed. Inside I think and feel and outside I portray an image of insanity to hold them back. Ever present is the need to feel and it haunts me. Plastic dolls keep perfect eyes and I’m jealous. Few see thru this masquerade and I love them. Hold me tight I might explode from the joy they bring me. Outside you will never know I’m as cold and tragic as an iceberg. Stare and wonder is what they do and this makes me happy. Everyday is full of sales, deals, last minute offers, and I buy it all and take mental notes on how it applies to me. Rich in the mind and poor in the world creates a man mostly unseen by society. Late at night when no one is around I let out my emotions and dance with them. When the morning comes I bury them deep from a world so ungrateful. The new year is coming and nothing will change.

Eating disorder

2009-08-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

Daily I wonder why we continue eating. Some would say that it tastes good; some might say that their body needs it but most of us eat because it is what was taught to us at birth. Babies scream and food is shoved in their face letting them know everything will be alright. From that point on we associate food with security. One’s life and happiness revolves around food. What we are really doing isn’t nourishing our bodies but satisfying our brainwashed minds. I would like to make a change in our society. I want crying babies to be held and not just given the pacifier. We are now just a group of adults sucking on our corporate pacifiers. When we get down we go to McDonalds, the Cheesecake Factor, Pizza Hut, or some other commercialized feeding trough, these are our adult blankets we drag to our graves. Through saturated fats craving adults are molded into communal cows mowing the lawns of the blue blooded aristocrats. Like cows ready for the slaughter mankind waddles through life supersizing and buying it animal style, thinking the extra 49 cents to make it macho is such a deal.
Open your eyes, purge your mind and hug you baby, there is still time to make a change. Consider this is your first warning. I will be watching you.

critical condition

2009-07-31T18:21:00.000-07:00

Slow down, be nice, who is watching me? I feel them coming down on me, squeezing me trying to extract any remaining life. I will appease them for now and eat with my woman. We will laugh and drink things unseen by others. We will be full and bulbous, gloating within each other. I will look around but I will not let them change my eyes.